Rules of the South

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money
to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10, I-20, and I-40 go east and
west, I-65, I-75, and I-95 go north. Pick one.

5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the South waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.

11. We say "sir and ma'am", "please and thank you", "excuse me and I'm
sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of
thinking it makes us weak. It's just good up-bringing.

12. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

13. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T CHILI!!

14. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities ,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus
a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come for the holidays.

18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think slow. You may be in
for a surprise.

19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So
don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers! Refer back to #1!